Tag: odd jobs (page 2 of 3)

18 – Perceived Disrespect Kills More People Than Cancer

In this episode of the You Got Jobbed podcast, Preston Smith talks about what it’s like to work in a jail–how weapons are made from toothbrushes, how women hide food in their “purse,” and how farting causes the most fights.

Listen here:

Or subscribe on iTunes.

Preston was kind enough to send me this picture of the contraband board. God only knows what some of that stuff is!


Here are, however, some notes:

In the Escape section, there is a picture of a sheet going out a window. Preston said it wasn’t used to escape but instead, the prisoner used it to reel in some dope from people down below.

That book in the bottom left has a lighter in it. They cut out a space in the pages to hide it but when the book was closed it just looked like a book.

Here is a close-up of the top right of the pic:


Spider! Man that thing looks real!

The guy in the picture on the right has his hands wrapped in socks and toilet paper ready to fight the guards when they come in. It’s inmate armor!

Show Notes

0:55 Preston works in a county jail. He says he’s a glorified babysitter.

2:28 The prisoners are in a large open room, like a cabin at summer camp.

2:56 The prisoners eat more Top Ramen than anyone.

3:05 Lots of prisoners fight to secure bottom bunks.

4:05 When Preston started this job many years ago, the prison population mixed murderers with shoplifters.

5:12 Shivs are a thing. The guards can’t do strip searches any more. More weapons can be smuggled.

5:29 The prisoners sharpen toothbrushes and put feces on them to use as a weapon. One of Preston’s fellow guards was stabbed in the face with this weapon.

6:16 Preston says “Perceived disrespect kills more people than cancer every year.”

7:00 The prisoners make spiders and scorpions as art and to scare people.

8:23 Orange is the New Black. Yes, it’s very similar to real life.

8:50 Prisoners will try to get sick so they can go to the doctor. One guy swallowed seven pencils and would also eat his sandals. He had to have stomach surgery and then would pull out the staples that were used to keep his scar closed (to eat to try to get sick again).

10:04 Robert Yates, a serial killer from Spokane, was in Preston’s jail (in “the hole”). He killed prostitutes.

11:03 Preston says, “If we had a unit full sex offenders and murderers it would be the smoothest day ever.”

11:27 Yates wrote poetry. People outside jail make profits from people in jail, like by selling the prisoners’ poems or hair.

12:21 The worst days are when people die. Lots of paperwork. Recently a man took 18 strips of Suboxone, the anti-heroin drug. It killed him.

14:20 The new guy has to do the strip searches.

15:47 They’ve never had a successful escape. One guy did escape during the earthquake.

17:24 Prisoners’ under clothes used to be white but now they are pink. It saves people from taking the jail’s underwear and you can spot them more easily when they escape.

18:28 Preston has known a lot of people who have come through the jail—he went to high school with them.

20:44 Farting causes the most prison fights. The women are more disgusting with the farting than the men.

22:02 Don’t call someone a bitch. It’s an automatic fight.

22:30 Bad inmate, a woman, who would use a fake British accent. She never wore pants. She would yell at people to clean her ass. She once stored an omelet and corn chips in her lady parts (what Preston and co-workers call “her purse”)

26:00 People proclaim their innocence.

26:30 Suzanne took a self-defense class and talks about her attack moves.

28:10 Preston has a Taser. It doesn’t affect prisoners who are high on bath salts.

31:55 Ramen noodles are the prisoners’ cash. They make “the spread” with the noodles, Cheetos, Fritos, and diced pepperoni sticks. They mix it in a garbage bag and serve it—it’s a hot commodity.

34:34 Preston eats lunch at the jail, he can’t leave for lunch. It’s not the best food any more.

35:43 Preston deals with feces every day. He has a Ghostbusters-style gun to spray all over the feces to clean it up.

39:00 One of the toughest guys Preston has ever known did lots of shenanigans with poop.

41:20 A success story. A woman who got out of jail, got rid of her lice, and turned her life around.

43:27 They’re hiring. Get Preston a $250 hiring bonus.

44:19 Preston sees lots of hangings and attempted hangings.

47:27 If you work at the jail you’ll be on swing shift so you can do midnight bowling. However, you have to pass the lie detector test.

50:43 They could use a lice picker at the jail (like the guy Suzanne interviewed). However, at the jail, they just use mayonnaise to kill the lice. 5-gallon buckets of mayo. Jailhouse cure.

17 – UFO Lights in the Sky

Larry worked for the Air Force, back when there was budget for researching UFO sightings. Now the aliens will probably just catch all of us unawares…

Original McSweeney’s interview here.

Show Notes

1:12 Ariana Grande, is she talented or not?

4:10 Check out Suzanne’s new website suzanneyeagley.com so she can get more than 1 visitor a week.  New content and Suzanne isn’t orange anymore.

5:30 Suzanne contemplates accidentally leaking a sex tape so she can be like Kim Kardashian and get more followers.

7:22 Lights in the Sky and Project Blue Book. Intro to Larry Haapanen and does it rhyme with the 80s sit-com “What’s Happening”?

8:01 Sanford and Son still holds up to this day and is funny. Avril’s dad had a truck that prompted her and her sister to bust out the theme song every time they drove it.

11:08 Suzanne tests Avril’s 80s commercial knowledge with the line “Pretty Sneaky Sis”. Avril eventually gets it after a few hints.

12:48 Project Blue Book is explained. Air Force project that investigates UFO sightings that lasted from 1940s to 1969.

14:19 Do ghosts really exist? Suzanne recounts her ghost experience that took place after she received upsetting news about a co-worker.

21:46 Larry explains that the UFO sighting project was his secondary duty to the relief of Suzanne & Avril.

23:01 Is there still sexual tension between agents Scully & Mulder on the most recent X-Files season?

24:27 Larry reveals if he believed in UFOs or not and how many sightings were reported. It always seemed to happen at midnight.

27:48 Speak & Spell, calculators, and boobies.

29:07 Larry describes the type of people that reported UFO sightings. At least a hunter held back and didn’t take a shot at a UFO.

30:44 Project Blue Book was canceled in 1969 and Larry reveals there were 1,000 sightings in one year at the peak of the project.

32:47 Suzanne talks about her boss from a previous job who installed alien tracking software. They eventually took away his Admin rights.

34:34 Local law enforcement takes over UFO sighting reports after Project Blue Book was cancelled. They weren’t so thrilled.

36:24 Hopper from Stranger Things would give a rats. Suzanne & Avril discuss if Hopper is hot or not.

39:51 Larry reveals if he got UFOs on the brain after he worked on Project Blue Book.

41:43 Suzanne admits her mother-in-law has a closet full of 80s toys including the owl calculator. We gotta get our hands on those.

42:55 Suzanne survived and did not end up in the Upside Down. Avril knows this because she has spoken to her since this interview was recorded and is relieved.


16 – The Paintball Invasion of Normandy

Dave Norman is a writer who wrote about paintball until the industry dried up.

He’s met William Shatner and spent time with Russians who were making tanks to play paintball.


Sweet Russian paintball tank


Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

Show Notes

1:37 Intro to paintball. What is it? Getting dirty in the woods, sneaking up on your friends.

4:27 The Paintball Invasion of Normandy. 6000 people in a week-long paintball event.

6:40 Suzanne’s friend Dave (not Dave Norman, a different Dave) got hit in the head with a paintball and it gave him a huge welt that looked like a pimple gone wrong.

9:15 Dave Norman had paintball wounds that looked like hickeys.

10:00 Paintball journalism. Dave worked for “Action Pursuit Games” and other paintball magazines.

12:52 William Shatner was at an event called “Splat Attack” where he parachuted into the event to promote his horse therapy charity.

14:57 Dave traveled all over the world covering paintball tournaments and playing. Maine, Indiana, San Diego, UK, Thailand, Borneo, Malaysia, Moscow.

15:57 The Russians were a little more extreme in their approach to paintball. They shot fireworks at each other.

17:45 The Russians also made tanks, specifically for playing paintball.

20:00 Dave took a 10-week-long train ride trip through China and Mongolia.

22:36 Dave went from paintball journalism to writing for gun magazines. They weren’t as similar as you might think.

28:00 His first gun magazine article—write about safety glasses. Boring.

30:00 There are three types of gun magazines: Hunting, Sport, and Tactical/stuff that looks cool.

34:35 Suzanne’s brothers’ filled her doll with ketchup, nailed it to a tree, and shot at it.

35:40 Dave saves a stuffed puppy from being shot.

39:56 Why did paintball fall out of popularity? Because paintball guns could fire basically as fast as a firehose, and it took some of the fun out of it. Dave can fire maybe 8-9 shots per second; some players can do 12-13 per second.

44:35 A paintball gun can cost $1300. Yes, that’s 13-hundred.

46:45 He ate a paintball at a government meeting. Ew.

52:48 How yoga and meditation seem a natural complement to target shooting.

56:34 Dave is an aspiring author who’s written about White River Junction Vermont.

57:07 Dave did not stutter during the interview. Very nice job.

15-Saving Lives and Doing Dip

Kari was a lifeguard back when there were no real rules for lifeguards.

Avril and I talk about this job, and a Ludacris sighting, and a car called a Comet.

I don’t know if this is the Comet Avril had, but will post it and then maybe ask her later.

Also, when someone huffs the contents of a whip cream container, do you spell that whippits? Whippets? (I think that’s a greyhound–a whippet.) Yes, I know there is google, but it’s taken me no less than like 100 hours just to put this freaking website together, so go google it yourself if you really must know…

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

Show Notes

0:40 Suzanne forgot the name of the podcast.

1:08 Avril said they should re-do the intro. Suzanne said no.

1:15 Suzanne describes a poor fool who is at work on a Saturday morning in the office building across from her condo.

1:40 Suzanne saw a man changing in his office one time. He had a hairy back.

3:04 Avril said it’s called manscaping and she encourages all men to wax.

4:15 Avril says naked kids in cowboy boots is “a thing” and not creepy. (Since this episode aired, Suzanne has confirmed that at least one other human says “Yes, this is a thing.”)

4:54 The interview with Kari starts. Avril calls her Karl instead of Kari.

6:00 Avril won’t swim because she wears contacts and so she takes them out and can’t see. She also can’t hear when not wearing contacts. It’s like some kind of weird superpower.

7:18 Avril waterskiied in a nasty cess pool of a lake.

11:43 The actual interview starts. Kari, the interviewee, worked as a lifeguard at apartment building pools.

13:28 Pause to discuss potato chip flavors. From Bored Panda website.

17:29 Back to interview. When was Baywatch on TV, what year? No idea.

18:29 Kari was allowed to wear skimpy bikinis as long as she saved people–not her top.

19:27 Her boss was a hippie who drove a van painted with only primer.

21:27 Avril drove a Comet. Suzanne had an Oldsmobile.

24:24 Boys would fall in the pool so Kari could save them.

25:45 Women at the military base pool would compare boob job scars.

26:10 Avril watches a plastic-surgery-gone-wrong show called “Botched.”

30:55 Kari’s other boss did whippets in the pump room. No idea of correct spelling of whippets.

39:33 Interview over, Avril talks about “The Rap Game” show she watches.

42:33 Amy Pohler rapping on Comedy Bang Bang. Butter be good, butter be bad.

43:06 Suzanne met Ludacris but didn’t know who he was.

50:05 Do rich people eat with silverware or are they fed?

51:00 To be rich and have pants that fit…

14-The Cutthroat World of Ice Cream Trucks

Phil So was an ice cream truck driver for a brief time. Hear about the ins and outs of how he held his territory.

When was the last time you bought ice cream from a truck? Sing a song you heard coming from an ice cream truck. I’ll give you a hint–The Entertainer–do you know it?

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

13-Wearing a Shower Cap and Raking the Chips

This week, Avril Watson and I discuss Tom Cooney, who worked at a potato chip factory. We also touch on 80s telephones, solar panels, and scorpions.

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

12.1-A Slight Change of Plans

Mixing up the podcast! Some episodes will be with the interviewees, and some will be me and Avril Watson reading the interviews without the interviewee present. Give me feedback! @iloveusue on twitter or facebook.com/suzanneyeagley.

12-It Smells Like Fog Machine

Shelby Frantz worked in two huge haunted houses in Kansas. Drunk people yelled at her. She was an angel.

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

11-A Chucky-Sized Chucky

Abby Markson is a former “clothing exchange” employee who lived in LA and saw all kinds of nasty things. She has also taught music and been in bands, and collected fur for orphaned animals (long story).

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

10-Little Animals on Other Little Animals

Stephan Horvath puts some perspective on what it means to get lice. I overreact and tell disgusting stories from my childhood.

Original McSweeney’s interview is here.

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