19 – Sperm Bank / Fire Walker

This week Avril and I talk about what it’s like to work at a sperm bank, and what it takes to be a firewalk instructor. Needless to say, we know nothing about either.

Also, side note–the Q-Tip will make more sense when you’re done listening. And as usual, it’s gross.

Original McSweeney’s interviews here:
Sperm Bank
Firewalk Instructor

Show Notes

1:28 The Sperm Bank is introduced.

3:10 If Suzanne’s last name Yeagley had a meaning, what would it be? Does it rhyme with Delores?

3:40 Dina explains how she ended up at the sperm bank. When in fact, she wanted to work at an art gallery.

4:30 Suzanne and Avril discuss what they think semen analysis entails. We were wrong.

7:00 Is there anything more embarrassing than your mom taking you to the sperm bank? Suzanne will ask her husband.

8:10 We wonder what it would be like to be told to go in that room and masturbate on command. Could we do it?

8:55 Dina explains what semen analysis entails – hurray – we finally know! Little did we know it would include “debris.” Suzanne goes off on a tangent after hearing the word “debris.”

12:15 Now that Suzanne’s rant about debris is over, we get back to semen analysis and the “collection” of the sperm. The proper receptacle for the “collection” is discussed. Suzanne and Avril discuss if sperm can live in a hot tub.

14:12 Suzanne and Avril discuss condo hot tub rules and bad experiences.

16:13 Dina reveals some of the non-approved containers guys who “collected” at home bring their sperm in. One hint….it’s not butter.

19:29 Dina describes the process of sperm donation – it includes a Q-tip which scared a lot of people off (duh).

20:30 Suzanne goes off on a tangent about a contestant on the Amazing Race. Let’s just say – his balls hurt.

25:37 We discuss what we think the room looks like where you supply your donation. Suzanne guessed right!

29:54 Suzanne wonders if everyone wants to pick the hot guy as their sperm donor, like James Marsden.

30:31 Dina discusses what her parents thought of her job at the sperm bank. You might be surprised.

32:35 The firewalker interview is introduced.

33:51 We discover how Robert went from lawyer to firewalker.

36:33 Robert talks about training and what that entails. Avril falls a little bit in love.

38:30 We find out it’s difficult to get a firewalk license in Jamaica – I mean, where’s that office?

39:17 We discuss who is hiring a firewalker. Avril talks about how she tried to get her team to face their fears and that was hard enough. Suzanne reveals her fear is wearing high rise jeans.

42:15 Robert talks about how lucrative firewalking can be if the right company hires you. Avril falls in love again until she hears about the bed of nails.

43:43 Suzanne talks about her brother’s many mishaps – one of which included a staple gun.

44:45 We hear more about the bed of nails which includes 6,000 nails (shudder). We’re intrigued about bending a bar of steel with your throat.

46:52 Suzanne and Avril discuss building their own nail board. Then find out later that Robert thinks we’re ridiculous.

47:51 Robert discusses safety precautions and Suzanne struggles with math – we blame it on the heat.

51:10 We want to look Robert up and see if he’s still a firewalk instructor so we can hire him and try it out ourselves.

52:15 Suzanne gets mushy and turns into a Hallmark card. BUT, she has a point about how Robert gives us hope.